Miscarriage…. Let’s talk about it.
By Heidi Gooley
Pregnant and over the moon floating on cloud nine next minute I suffer a miscarriage. I was about 5 weeks give or take. The whole experience, even though I know there is always good in every situation, has pretty much sucked ass!
I wanted to share my story for a few reasons:
It is therapeutic for me. I know a lot of people just don’t share their story but i feel like people need to talk about this a bit more. Women should talk openly about their miscarriages. It happens so frequently in fact 1 in 4 women suffer a miscarriage and is such a normal part of being a women, but hardly anyone talks about it or even acknowledges it. For me I want to talk about it. I want other women to know it is ok to talk about.
So last week I found out I was pregnant after months and months of trying to fall pregnant with baby number 2. We thought yeah we will fall pregnant straight away again little did we know it would take time. My husband was away when I found out so I face-timed him straight away and showed him that bright pink line. We where both so excited!
A week later i go to the toilet and see bright pink spots! I figured it would be ok because I bled when I was early pregnant with Brandon. I just figured i would have my ultrasound and we would see that little sack with a strong heart beat. I called my high-risk ob because of my complications last time I am now a high risk patient. She advised my levels where extremely low and it would be very likely I was miscarrying my heart just broke. She said if the bleeding stopped i was to go get another blood test in the morning to see if my levels where rising.
The bleeding didn’t stop in fact it just got worse as the night went on. I called my ob again the next morning and i explained i was now passing clots and i was sure i was miscarrying which she confirmed.
I stayed home from work and I basically just cried all day I couldn’t even bring myself to eat any food because I was so emotionally hurting. I drove to the beach and I sat in my car for probably an hour. That helped clear my head!
No one can ever prepare you for the pain emotionally and physically. We had started to pick out names I was sure we where having a girl because this pregnancy just felt so different. It was feeling so real. Then in a flash it was over.
I’ve walked away from this with a positive mind set. This has happened for a reason, this has happened because there wasn’t something quite right with this little one. This little one wasn’t prepared to come into the world and the time just wasn’t right our next baby though will be perfect! I know soon we will be pregnant again and I will love every second of the pregnancy. I’ve given myself time. I have cried a lot of tears but i have turned a corner and feeling so much better!
I have surrounded myself with some amazing people! I have had so much support from some amazing other mothers as well as my family. I definitely could not have got through it without my husband!
No matter what anyone says it doesn’t make it any easier. So many people have reached out and shared their story with me. That’s one of the reasons I needed to share my story!